16 November 2009

My Next Letter Will Be From My Solicitors ...

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Dear Mr Law
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(Or can I call you by the nickname I've decided to give you ...
"Mr. well, that's just bloody typical, isn't it?")
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I note with interest that you do not seem to have taken any notice of my recent letters
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I know you can't have read them because if you had, the show I have just done for jb*jb at the weekend wouldn't have been the worst show ever in the history of people not turning up at shows ...
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I should really have suspected things would not go well on Thursday - let's look at the evidence shall we?
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Thursday : a huge spot appears on my chin meaning that any customers on our stand will be so distracted by it they will be thinking "is she growing another chin on her face?" instead of "what beautiful products, I must spend lots and lots of my hard-earned cash on them"
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Friday morning : my computer decides to compact all my e-mail folders to save disk-space. Little do I realise that when it says "compact" it actually means "delete", so I had to spend 2 hours restoring all my messages ... all 5,000 of them.
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Friday afternoon : the bobbin in my sewing machine decides to throw a wobbler because I had the audacity to change from zig-zag stitch to normal stitch once too many times.
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So thanks for putting the kaibosh on getting things ready for the show which is what I had planned to spend the day doing.
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Saturday 09:00 am : jelly*bestfriend throws my plans into a spin by ringing to say she might not be able to come to the show with me after all because she is not feeling so great. I'm pleased to say that you couldn't quite thwart those plans because trusty Mr Paracetomol came to the rescue! (Although you did get your own back by making me leave my sat-nav at home)
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Saturday night ... 11:55 pm : That was a nice touch having those boy racers blasting their music from their cars right outside our hotel window at the same time as doing donuts in the car park.
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Sunday morning ... 03:00 am : And yes, those girls returning from their hen-night, crying and running down the corridor right outside our bedroom door was a touch of genius on your part.
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Sunday morning ... 04:00 am : But your best and most triumphant moment was when you made it absolutely pour down with rain causing the overflow pipe outside our hotel window to pour water onto the metallic roof. It really put us both in mind of that water-torture where victims have water dripped onto them to make them confess.
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Little did we know that the torture was in fact only just beginning ...
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I blame myself for not realising that all these signs were your way of telling me that the show we had driven 2 hours to and spent 4 hours setting up was going to be the biggest waste of time ever.
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I should have known that it all meant that there were going to be more exhibitors than there were customers.
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I could slap myself now when I realise you were planning for me to make only three sales in the whole day..
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... to three fellow exhibitors.
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Still.
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At least the stand looked pretty ...
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12 comments:

Kitschy Coo said...

Oh no! Sorry it was such a waste of time, it's awful when that happens. Your stand looks magnificent.

frogs+sprogs said...

Couldn't agree more - your stand looked fab and the show was a waste of time. Don't give up though.

Colourart said...

Great looking stand and your post made me smile. Even though there wasn't much to laugh about on Sunday! Well said!!

busy lizzie said...

Oh Mr Law! Yeah me and Sods are on a first name basis! Your stand did look purdy. wish you were over in NZ!!!

pennydog said...

Aww was this the big show you mentioned to me? :( *shakes fist at Mr Law*

Pink Feather Paradise said...

The "sods family" often pass by here, unanounced usually... they are so rude!

Sorry the event didn't go well, I went to an event like that once... very dissapointing.. but your stand does look fabulous

big hugs
Alex

trisha too said...

oh, ugh, that is a nasty turn of events. very un-fun, indeed.

your stand DOES look pretty, though, so maybe lots of people will remember you and long for a jelly something . . .

:)

Menopausal musing said...

Oh Emma, how thoroughly soul destroying for you. Don't give up, like everyone else, I think the stand looks fantastic.

Kathi D said...

Oh pooh! Such a lovely booth deserved to have HUGE success!

Tobyboo said...

your stand looked fab and pretty much engraved in my head as you couldn't miss it walking in. i might have seen you if i wasn't crying behind my stand! x

Ruth said...

oh but it's all so prettttty! sorry you had a rubbish time - hope mr bacardi has kicked mr law's arse to make up for it...

Alex Mason said...

sorry you had a bad time, but your post did make me laugh and your stall looks great xx